


fear of the unknowns

by LemongrassAndSleep



Series: stevie and blake: parental dream team [1]
Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28821441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemongrassAndSleep/pseuds/LemongrassAndSleep
Summary: Stevie giggled, considered what he said, then took a deep breath. “You’re probably right-” She pressed her lips to his. “-like always. I’m not any less terrified but I do want a baby. Your baby, specifically-“Blake laughed. “That’s a relief.”Stevie rolled eyes at him. “-so I guess we’re doing this.”
Relationships: Stevie McCord/Blake Moran
Series: stevie and blake: parental dream team [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160576
Comments: 21
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> thank you @Sly_Slytherin for suggesting a better title!!

Stevie checked the timer she had on her phone. One minute forty-two seconds left. She leaned back on the bathtub and screwed her eyes shut, wondered if the nausea she was feeling was anxiety or a side effect of her current predicament. She had no idea why she was so anxious . It wasn’t that Blake wouldn’t be happy, he adores kids. Stevie also didn’t think she was worried about her parents’ reactions. She could tell that as much as they loved their grown up kids, her Mom was missing having tiny feet running around the house. Yes, Madam President would be delighted. So why was she so scared? As much as she was trying to ignore it, Stevie couldn’t stop one thought banging around in her head, its edges razor sharp and cutting into her brain on impact.

_ What if I’m not ready yet? _

She checked her phone again. One minute twenty-four seconds. Why was time moving so slowly? Stevie turned her head and looked out of the en-suite into the bedroom she and Blake shared inside the White House. They’d figured it made sense to stay there and save so they could buy their own place, one day. Besides, when else were they going to get an opportunity to live in the freaking White House? Blake liked the short commute, too. Stevie liked that he didn’t have to wake up quite so early. Her eyes settled on the far corner of the bedroom, and she tried to imagine a cot there. The room was big, so it would definitely fit, but her mom would probably want to convert one of the many empty bedrooms into a proper nursery. Would they even stay in the White House with a baby? That had never been the plan. Did they even have one of those? A plan? Children was always a ‘one day’, an abstract that Stevie had always imagined far in the future. She wasn’t even thirty yet. 

Most days, she and Blake barely remembered to feed themselves. She’d made it to the afternoon more than once before she realised that the reason her hands were shaking was because she hadn’t fed herself since dinner the night before, and the three coffees she’d drunk in the last five hours were taking a toll. Blake’s devotion to his work, and to her, left him running on an empty stomach at least twice a week. They didn’t have time to have a  _ baby _ . What if they broke it? Stevie was clumsier than most, something Blake liked to tease her about whenever possible. What if she  _ dropped her baby _ ?

She stared at the pregnancy test on the counter, turned over so she wouldn’t be tempted to watch it. Stevie had asked somebody at work to get it for her, knowing there was no way the First Daughter was going to be able to covertly buy a pregnancy test in Washington DC. Then she’d taken the morning off work so she’d have time to fall apart. Stevie considered calling in sick this afternoon, too. God, she felt so sick. 

It wasn’t her first time taking a pregnancy test, so at least she knew what she was doing this time round. She’d missed a period her first semester at Lovell, but she couldn’t remember being this anxious then, sat in the toilet cubicle in the English building waiting for a line to appear, even though she was eighteen and would never have been able to raise a kid. Besides, her then-boyfriend was a dick, and Blake Moran was her best friend. Stevie wondered when she’d stopped being so laid-back about everything, started having to game out at least twenty different ways any given situation could go. Fifty-seven seconds.

She closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like to tell the people she loved that she was going to have a baby. Blake was first. She imagined the way he’d grin at her and pull her into a hug. Then she thought about the panic that would surely take hold of him, the baby books he’d buy and insist she read. The way he’d lay awake at night, agonising over all the hypothetical ways he was going to mess up his kid. Her mom would also hug her tight, buy Stevie the newest wet-dry vac model, and a celebratory one for herself. Her dad would smile, plant a kiss on her forehead, excuse himself to wipe away the happy tears in his eyes. Stevie realised she was crying too, along with this version of her dad she’d conjured up, tears spilling down her cheeks and splatting onto the floor. Both of them would wish, later, that  _ their  _ parents had stayed alive long enough to hear the news. Stevie knew her mom struggled with her kids’ milestones, especially now she’d hit so many of her own. Her dad too, more recently. Impatient, she checked her phone again. Twenty-nine seconds. 

Stevie wasn’t sure she could wait any longer. Half a minute wasn’t going to make much difference, right? She pushed herself up from the floor and with shaky hands she grabbed the plastic stick that she’d handed her colleague ten dollars for. God, why were pregnancy tests so expensive? Taking a deep breath, she flipped it over.

_ Pregnant. _

“Well shit.” Stevie found herself laughing, though she wasn’t sure why. Joy? Hormones? Shock? Complete mental break? She walked into the bedroom and swiped her phone off the bedside table, texting Blake to ask if she could see him when he had a free minute. Mindlessly, she walked over to the mirror and lifted her pyjama top up to inspect her belly. She convinced herself she could see a tiny bump, though she knew there wouldn’t be anything there yet. Her phone buzzed on the bed, a message from Blake telling her he was free now, the President was in a meeting. Stevie debated going down there, but realised given the amount of foot traffic to the Oval Office, it was unlikely they would get more than a few moments alone. She knew Blake wouldn’t want to go straight back to work, would need some time to sit with the news he was going to be a dad. She texted him back and told him it could wait until tonight, then texted her boss and asked, actually, could she take the afternoon off too?

She flopped down on the bed, hand on her stomach. She was going to be a mom. To an actual human child. Fuck. Stevie felt anxiety settle in her belly, making a home next to where her baby was growing. This wasn’t what she thought was going to happen. She still lived with her parents, for Christ’s sake. She wasn’t married, although she and Blake were all but engaged. They’d discussed it, talked about a small ceremony, after her Mom’s final term. Would he want to do it before the baby came? Stevie shook her head. She could deal with this later, with Blake. 

Tears slid down her face, making wet patches on the duvet. She was so scared, and she wanted Blake next to her so much. She looked at her phone again. He wouldn’t finish for another six hours. All she wanted was to hear him tell her it was going to be okay, they were going to be fine. They wouldn’t fuck their kid up. She turned on her side, hugging a pillow to her chest. Five hours, fifty-three minutes. 

  
  


When Blake finally finished work, he found Stevie was curled up on the carpet, shaky from crying and the fact she hadn’t eaten since last night. The thought of eating made her feel ill. She still wasn’t sure if her nausea was anxiety or morning sickness, but she’d been sick at least three times in the afternoon alone. 

“Stevie? Oh my god, Stevie, are you okay?” Blake asked, not knowing what was happening but immediately assuming the worst. 

“I don’t think I can do this,” she mumbled, eyes focused on a speck of dirt on the carpet. 

“Do what?” Blake said, frantic. “Stevie, what happened?”

“I’m not ready yet, I can’t- what if I mess up?” She managed to push herself upright, back against the bed frame for support. She looked at Blake, saw the worry on his face. 

“What are you talking about?” Blake sat down on the floor next to her and put his arm around her. She leaned on him, and took a deep, shuddering breath. 

“I’m pregnant.”

“You- what? Are you serious?” Blake had always wanted kids, would be the first to volunteer to babysit for his coworkers. The smile on his face faltered once he realised this is what Stevie had gotten herself so worked up over. “Is this why you’re so upset? I thought you said-“

“Yeah, I did. I do want children. I just- I don’t know, I wasn’t expecting to have them quite so soon. What if I mess them up?” She looked at Blake, fresh tears in her eyes. 

“I didn’t know you were so worried about this, Stevie,” Blake sighed, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“I didn’t either until my period didn’t come,” she sniffed, wiping her tears off of her face with the sleeve of her cardigan. 

“Well I think you’re going to be a great mother. You’re so good with Chloe and Joanna,” he reassured her. It was true, the times she’d helped Blake babysit his co-workers’ children they loved her, but having your own child is more permanent. 

“It’s not the same. I got to give them back to their real, adult parents,” Stevie wailed.

“I hate to break it to you but I think we’re classed as adults now,” Blake mused, tracing patterns on her arm. 

“I just don’t feel ready,” she said in a small voice. She couldn’t escape how unprepared she felt, fear eating her up inside since the moment she realised her period hadn’t come when it was supposed to.

Blake had to hold back tears of his own, his heart breaking when it heard the distress in her voice. Who let her have so little faith in herself? He remembered that day she came to State for a change of clothes, and she told him how devalued she felt by her lack of a college education. He held her a bit tighter, and promised himself he would tell her more often how wonderful, and capable, and intelligent, and funny, and caring she is. Then he mentally kicked himself for not driving the message home hard enough when she came to State, years ago, for a change of clothes. 

“Two things: I love you so, so much, and I hope you know that. Second thing, as excited as I am, the thought of being a parent is terrifying. But also, I’m not sure it’s going to be any less terrifying however many years down the line.” Stevie stayed silent, like she was mulling it over. “I’m not sure any parents actually  _ know  _ what they’re doing, but we can do some research. I can buy baby books. I’m positive the Pres- your mom would  _ love  _ to help us with this, and  _ google _ exists! Everybody loves google!” 

Stevie giggled, considered what he said, then took a deep breath. “You’re probably right-” She pressed her lips to his. “-like always. I’m not any less terrified but I do want a baby. Your baby, specifically-“

Blake laughed. “That’s a relief.”

Stevie rolled eyes at him. “-so I guess we’re doing this.”

“Yeah?” he asked, choosing not to remind her that they were very much already doing this, what with her already being pregnant. 

“Yeah.”

“I’m so glad.” He looked her over properly for the first time since he finished work. “Can I get you anything? A tissue? Some water? Food?” Finally, overprotective boyfriend Blake had arrived. 

“Um,” Stevie paused to wipe away more tears with her now damp sleeves. “Some water would be nice. I’ve been crying a lot. I should probably, you know, rehydrate.”

“On it,” Blake stood up, smoothed out his now crumpled suit. “Also Stevie? In future, if you’re this upset about  _ anything _ , please tell me so I can come help you. I’ll get out of work.”

“But my mom-“ 

“Has four other executive assistants,” he cut her off. “I can get out of work for fifteen minutes. Or longer. Just, please tell me. I can’t stand the thought of you being up here in this state on your own.” He put his hand out to help her up. 

“Okay,” Stevie said, taking it. “I will, promise.” At some point, she’d stopped telling other people when she was struggling, too worried about being a burden to the people around her who already had so much on their plates. She’d gotten better, since being with Blake, but today she’d slipped back into old habits. Watching him now, Stevie could see the worry she’d caused him, and she swore to herself she wouldn’t do that again.

“I’ll get you that water now.”

“Okay.” She watched him as he walked to the door of their bedroom. “Blake?”

“Yes?”

“We’re going to be parents,” she reminded him, smile plastered on her face. Blake beamed back at her. 

“We’re going to be parents,” Blake repeated. 

So yeah, Stevie was still scared shitless, but in her panicked, nauseous haze this morning she’d forgotten to account for one thing: 

Blake was going to be right there with her. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since @lilacmermaid asked so nicely, here's Blake and Stevie telling her parents!

Elizabeth swept into the Oval Office just as Blake was arranging some papers on the desk. 

“Morning Blake.”

“Morning Ma’am,” he said. “You have the staff meeting at nine, NSA at ten, and the Treasury Secretary at three.”

“Thanks Blake. Could you get Jay in here?” She said, sitting down at her desk.

“Of course Ma’am.” He cleared his throat, making no moves to leave, and Elizabeth looked up at him expectantly.

“Is there something else?”

“Stevie wanted me to remind you that you and Henry are having dinner with us tonight. At seven,” he said, awkwardly. He never quite got past how weird he found it to pass messages between his girlfriend and his boss, even if said girlfriend was said boss’ daughter.

“Blake, as strange as we both find it, we live together. Why are you reminding me about having dinner with you tonight when we have dinner together most nights?” 

Blake could feel his face burning and he was pretty sure it was bright red. “I don’t know.” He lied.

“Liar.”

“Why would you think I’m lying? I’m not lying,” he said, lying again.

“Blake-

“Ma’am, please don’t make me tell you right now, because we both know I’ll tell you and then Stevie will be mad at me, and I  _ hate  _ when Stevie’s mad at me, and I really think you should just wait until tonight, I promise it’s nothing bad-”

“Alright, alright!” Elizabeth stopped him, her attention already elsewhere. “I’m dropping it. Now go get Jay.”

Blake exhaled, relieved to be let off the hook. “Yes Ma’am.” 

  
  


“You’ve got the ultrasound pictures?” she asked for the seventh time.

“Yes, Stevie,” Blake replied, trying his best to be patient with her. He knew she wanted this to go how she’d pictured it, and that apparently included having the ultrasound pictures to hand.

“And you know the plan, right? We aren’t saying anything until  _ after _ dinner,” she repeated, also for the seventh time.

“But what if someone addresses me directly?” he deadpanned. Stevie shot him a look, and he backtracked immediately. “Sorry. I won’t say anything about the baby until after dinner.”

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“My joke wasn’t  _ that  _ bad-”

“No, Blake. Not your joke. It’s either baby or nerves. Or both. It might be both.” Stevie paced back and forth in front of the window, while Blake watched from his position on the bed. Usually she went along with his joking, but tonight she wasn’t having it. He didn’t even have to verbally ask what was wrong, he only raised his eyebrows at her. “I don’t know how they’re going to react, and it’s  _ freaking  _ me out.”

“Stevie,” he sighed, not thrilled about having this conversation again but willing to go through it with her as many times as he had to. “I haven’t known your parents as long as you have, but they have never ever said or done  _ anything _ to make me believe they’ll respond with anything other than love and support.”

“I just- I don’t know. What if my dad’s disappointed in me for having a baby outside of marriage?” Her pacing had sped up significantly, and Blake was worried she was actually going to make herself sick from dizziness.

“Aside from the fact it’s not the 1950s, we’ve been together for seven years. It’s not like this isn’t serious,” he reassured her.

“But he’s a Catholic-”

“Who’s never ever forced his religion on you or anyone else. Stevie, my love, it’s going to be  _ fine _ , I promise.”

Stevie flopped down on the bed, her head landing next to Blake’s legs. On instinct, he ran his fingers through her hair, and she exhaled, doing her best to remember the breathing exercises her therapist had given her to cope with her PTSD years ago. “What would I do without you, Blake?”

“Well for one you probably wouldn’t be pregnant…” He saw her eye roll and laughed. “I promise you will never have to know what to do without me.”

“Thanks,” she replied, her eyes shut as she focused on slowing her racing heart. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” he replied. “Come on, it’s almost seven, we should get going.”

“Okay, but you need to give me a second because I  _ am _ going to be sick,” Stevie said, pushing herself up and making a beeline for the bathroom.

“I thought your morning sickness was going away?” Blake asked as she closed the door behind her.

“It is!” she called from the bathroom. “I haven’t been sick for two days!” 

“Small victories I suppose,” he mumbled to himself.

  
  


Sometime after the last plates had been cleared away, Henry noticed Stevie reach for Blake’s hand under the table. 

“Um, we have something we’d like to tell you.” Stevie looked at Blake for support, and he gave her a reassuring nod, getting the ultrasound pictures out of his pocket and sliding them over the table. Henry and Elizabeth looked at the photos, and then at each other, a smile growing on their faces as they realised what their daughter was about to say. Stevie cleared her throat, certain everyone in the room could hear the sound of her heartbeat. “We’re having a baby. I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my god, Stevie!” Elizabeth shrieked, piercing her family’s eardrums with her excitement. “Henry, we’re going to be grandparents!”

Elizabeth jumped up from her seat, throwing her arms around her daughter, and held her tight. Stevie could see her dad’s eyes were misty, just as she’d predicted three months ago. 

“Henry?” Blake said, quietly. He’d only managed to get out of the habit of calling him ‘Dr McCord’ a year ago, but he still felt odd calling his boss’ husband by his first name.

“Congratulations, Blake,” he said, wiping the tears away and rising from his chair to pull Blake into a hug of his own. Blake grinned, relieved he wasn’t mad in spite of his assurances to Stevie that he wouldn’t be, only an hour earlier. They pulled apart, and Henry put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re going to be a great dad. I mean it. I’m so happy for you."

Blake’s own eyes grew misty then, and he suddenly had a lump in his throat. “Thank you, Henry.”

Stevie heard her mom sniff. “Mom, are you crying?” She pulled away so she could look at her, and sure enough her face was damp with tears. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I just wish your grandparents were here,” she choked out, a sob coming from her throat as the dam broke.

“Oh mom.” Was all Stevie knew to say. She hugged her tighter, and Henry put his arms round the two of them. He’d always known grandchildren were going to bring up some hard feelings for his wife, much as she wanted them.

“I’m fine,” Elizabeth insisted, trying her best to stop crying. “I’m just so grateful I get to be here for this.”

“Me too,” Stevie said thickly, and Blake could tell she was holding back tears of her own. He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

“You were right Blake,” Elizabeth said, wiping the tears off her face.

“About what Ma’am?”

“Elizabeth,” she corrected him. If Blake had a hard time calling his boss’ husband by his first name, calling his boss by  _ her _ first name was something he had yet to get used to, even after seven years. “And you were right, Stevie  _ would _ have been mad if you’d told me what was happening tonight.”

“Wha-”

“Oh come  _ on  _ Stevie, I’m ex-CIA, you didn’t think I’d find it suspicious you got my assistant to remind me to show up to dinner  _ at my own house _ ?”

“Did he say anything?” she asked her mom, narrowing her eyes at Blake, having made him promise not to say anything.

“No. But only because he  _ begged  _ me not to make him,” Elizabeth responded, laughing at the way Blake flushed red. 

“Hey! I’d like to see you try and say no to the President of the United States!” he defended himself, knowing full well everybody in that room knew he’d do anything Elizabeth asked him.

“I think you were very brave,” Stevie teased him, wrapping an arm around his torso and standing on her tiptoes to kiss him. Blake forgot his indignation, and kissed her back.

Blake was propped up in bed, reading his book, listening to the sounds of Stevie padding about in the bathroom. In all honesty, as much as he loved his job, this was his favourite part of the day. He smiled as his heart swelled with love for Stevie and their baby. He heard the click of the bathroom light, and Stevie wandered back into the bedroom. He watched her as she walked past the foot of the bed to get to her side, the side closest to the window (she’d always insisted on sleeping by the window, in any bed they’d slept in together, and Blake always let her, despite also preferring to sleep close to the window). Stevie felt his eyes on her as she climbed into bed.

“What? Is there toothpaste on my chin again?” she asked, feeling her face with the back of her hand.

“No. I just think you’re really pretty,” Blake said, grinning at her.

“Are you trying to seduce me? Because I am already pregnant,” she joked, placing a hand on her tiny bump.

“Marry me.”

“What?”

“Marry me. Once the baby gets here. We should get married,” Blake said, words coming out of his mouth before he could stop them. Not that he would if he could.

“Did my dad-?” Stevie began, his words not sinking in properly yet.

“Nope. This is all me,” he responded, waiting for her to answer.

She nodded, tears spilling over her cheeks without her realising. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She grabbed Blake’s hand, squeezed it to make sure she was awake, this was actually happening. He squeezed back.

“I don’t have a ring-”

“I don’t care.”

Blake laughed. “Okay then.” He paused. “We’re getting married.”

“We’re getting married. And having a baby,” she added, riding high on endorphins and pregnancy hormones.

“And having a baby,” Blake repeated back to her, too happy to form a sentence all by himself. “You know this means we have another thing to tell your parents, right?”

“You probably should have thought that one through,” she said, smiling at him so she knew she was joking.

“Sorry,” he said, playing along. “It’s Saturday tomorrow, I’ll take you ring shopping.”

“Mom wanted to take me baby shopping.”

“I’ll take you ring shopping after. I love you,” Blake said, the words not quite expressing the depths of his feeling.

“I love you more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> hey! thanks for reading, i appreciate it so much <3 don't forget to kudos if you liked it, and if you want, leave a comment xxx


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